The Twaddle Continues...
To date, the 14 time defending West Virginia Class ½ A state champion Paw Paw Pirates have defeated the Western Maryland Stags, Martinsburg Bulldogs, the Career and Technical Center All-Stars, and Maryland recruits Ty Johnson and Gage Shaffer on the year. Despite their victories over top-notch local talent, no one was really sure if the Pirates were prepared for what they're about to face next .West Side Elementary School's Chinese Immersion Program hailing from Greene Street on the Queen City's West Side. What is so intriguing is the fact that the Elementary School-aged young boys and girls have yet to actually play an organized game of football. Rumors abound about passerbys seeing what appears to be a football practice of sorts happening during school recess and of course Cumberland Chat and MdHigh are abuzz with stories of secret practices occurring late at night at Pogey Field and on green space in the Dingle. Nonetheless, Paw Paw has had no idea what to prepare for, they have no film (there is nothing on HUDL) and more importantly they don't even have a roster for the West Side Squad.
All that changed with a press conference held yesterday in front of Sunshine Laundry on Greene Street. During the press conference, School Superintendant David Cox and Public Relations Specialist Mia Perlozzo unveiled West Side Elementary's Chinese Immersion Program's Football's Head and Assistant Head Coaches and a roster. Coming out of retirement to show Paw Paw what the West Side has to offer is Coach Jack Gilmore and his assistant (and son) Matt Gilmore, who be making his first stab at coaching. Who better to do battle against Paw Paw Coach Tim Refosco (Jim's lesser known half brother) than an Allegany legend himself like Jack Gilmore?
When the roster was unveiled, it became strikingly clear why the Gilmore's had been slow in posting the remainder of the top 50 list to MDHigh, it turns out they've been busy combing the Chinese countryside for the most talented kindergarten-aged football players China and their 1 Billion strong population have to offer. After loading up the roster with this Chinese talent the remaining spots were filled only by kindergarteners who were direct blood relatives of those who had been named to Jack Gilmore's top 50 greatest players of all time list. In essence, the roster was stacked. As a lawyer, the young Mr. Gilmore was able to take care of all necessary legal arrangements in getting the Chinese students into and out of the country in addition to handling all enrollment issues with the Allegany County Board of Education. It was confirmed that those clandestine late-night practices rumored about on social media were in fact true, the young kindergartners had been hard at it for weeks now under the cover of darkness at Pogey Field and on green space in the Dingle wearing night vision goggles supplied by the Chinese Military. Like his track record at both Valley and Allegany High Schools (lots of state championships), Gilmore had no reason to doubt that this West Side Elementary School Chinese Immersion Squad wasn't headed for greatness.
Fast forward to game day, Paw Paw arrived on the campus of Allegany High School bright and early as the game was to be played on Allegany High Schools practice field. As the Pirates bus rolled down Sedgwick Street, David Dong Delawder (the product of his father's business trip to China many years ago), and also the only Paw Paw Pirate that spoke any Chinese, became deathly afraid and alarmed at what he was reading and seeing from the graffiti spray painted on the street. No, no, no, it wasn't your average run of the mill "class of 2015" stuff that alarmed him but rather the graffiti that had been written in Chinese. What David Dong Delawder was witnessing in the graffiti was the entire Paw Paw playbook and game plan for the day, complete with any and all trick plays the Pirates had up their sleeve for the kindergartners, there were even complex diagrams and drawings laid onto the street for the world to see. They had done it, the Gilmore's had relied upon not only their vast football knowledge but also everything the Chinese and American governments could offer in the way of data from spy satellites. Gilmore and his merry band of muli-lingual kindergartners had cracked the code, Paw Paw was in trouble.
As the game started it was quite a battle back and forth. While Paw Paw was loaded with talent from top to bottom and playing a bunch of 5 year olds, the fact that the super intelligent Chinese Immersion students had every single piece of intelligence and scouting information a team would need thwarted Paw Paw's attack at every turn. If Josh Deladwer ran right, he was swarmed by all 11 kindergartners as they knew where the play was going. If Josh Delawder attempted to throw an out pattern to his cousin Darrell Delawder, all 11 Immersion students flew to the ball because they knew where it was going. The elder and younger Gilmore had done their jobs, their defense had shut Josh Delawder down. On offense, it was more of the same, because Paw Paw's "Vaunted Tunnel Defense" had been dissected by the Gilmore's they knew just what calls to make. At the conclusion of the 2nd quarter West Side Elementary School's Chinese Immersion Program was up on Paw Paw 28-0.
As the second half started, however, the tide began to turn. The young kindergartners seemed lethargic, disoriented, and physically incapable of carrying out their offensive and defensive assignments. Gilmore called a time out and gathered the team, he was dismayed to find them all almost completely out of it, he was worried and immediately phoned the Children's Medical Group on Greene Street to have them rush a doctor to the scene. Play resumed until the doctor could arrive and Paw Paw really began to take advantage of the situation, before anyone could spell out "A-V-A-L-O-N N-U-D-I-S-T-R-E-S-O-R-T," Paw Paw was within striking distance.
Finally the doctor from Children's Medical Group arrived and after taking a few medical histories and asking the kindergartners what they had eaten earlier in the day, the problem was diagnosed, the entire West Side Team to include the Gilmore's were suffering from MSG (monosodium glutamate) poisoning ..way too many egg rolls, general tso's chicken, and moo goo gai pan had been consumed, all of it laced with MSG. It seems that while the Chinese students had been here practicing for weeks they had been consuming healthy Chinese food of the type they're accustomed to eating while in China, and not this fried/nasty stuff we American's call Chinese Food. Prior to the 1:00 kickoff, it was realized that they had forgotten to feed the kids breakfast and lunch in all their haste to plan for the game, so they ordered up a humongous amount of Chinese Delivery Food from a local Chinese Restaurant, one that uses MSG in everything. Between the MSG and all the cans of Pepsi they had washed the food down with, the team was suffering from headaches, nausea, heart palpitations, extreme sweating and intestinal disorders, they were really in bad shape. The Doctor proclaimed that the kids would be fine by supperertime but that they would feel pretty rough until then.
The game was played to its proper conclusion and Paw Paw ultimately defeated the West Side Elementary School's Chinese Immersion Progam by a score of 56-28 to stay unbeaten for the year. The kids recovered, and Gilmore decided to stay fully retired from coaching, despite his valiant effort to defeat Paw Paw.
This post was edited on 11/5 4:09 PM by PolkHighPride
To date, the 14 time defending West Virginia Class ½ A state champion Paw Paw Pirates have defeated the Western Maryland Stags, Martinsburg Bulldogs, the Career and Technical Center All-Stars, and Maryland recruits Ty Johnson and Gage Shaffer on the year. Despite their victories over top-notch local talent, no one was really sure if the Pirates were prepared for what they're about to face next .West Side Elementary School's Chinese Immersion Program hailing from Greene Street on the Queen City's West Side. What is so intriguing is the fact that the Elementary School-aged young boys and girls have yet to actually play an organized game of football. Rumors abound about passerbys seeing what appears to be a football practice of sorts happening during school recess and of course Cumberland Chat and MdHigh are abuzz with stories of secret practices occurring late at night at Pogey Field and on green space in the Dingle. Nonetheless, Paw Paw has had no idea what to prepare for, they have no film (there is nothing on HUDL) and more importantly they don't even have a roster for the West Side Squad.
All that changed with a press conference held yesterday in front of Sunshine Laundry on Greene Street. During the press conference, School Superintendant David Cox and Public Relations Specialist Mia Perlozzo unveiled West Side Elementary's Chinese Immersion Program's Football's Head and Assistant Head Coaches and a roster. Coming out of retirement to show Paw Paw what the West Side has to offer is Coach Jack Gilmore and his assistant (and son) Matt Gilmore, who be making his first stab at coaching. Who better to do battle against Paw Paw Coach Tim Refosco (Jim's lesser known half brother) than an Allegany legend himself like Jack Gilmore?
When the roster was unveiled, it became strikingly clear why the Gilmore's had been slow in posting the remainder of the top 50 list to MDHigh, it turns out they've been busy combing the Chinese countryside for the most talented kindergarten-aged football players China and their 1 Billion strong population have to offer. After loading up the roster with this Chinese talent the remaining spots were filled only by kindergarteners who were direct blood relatives of those who had been named to Jack Gilmore's top 50 greatest players of all time list. In essence, the roster was stacked. As a lawyer, the young Mr. Gilmore was able to take care of all necessary legal arrangements in getting the Chinese students into and out of the country in addition to handling all enrollment issues with the Allegany County Board of Education. It was confirmed that those clandestine late-night practices rumored about on social media were in fact true, the young kindergartners had been hard at it for weeks now under the cover of darkness at Pogey Field and on green space in the Dingle wearing night vision goggles supplied by the Chinese Military. Like his track record at both Valley and Allegany High Schools (lots of state championships), Gilmore had no reason to doubt that this West Side Elementary School Chinese Immersion Squad wasn't headed for greatness.
Fast forward to game day, Paw Paw arrived on the campus of Allegany High School bright and early as the game was to be played on Allegany High Schools practice field. As the Pirates bus rolled down Sedgwick Street, David Dong Delawder (the product of his father's business trip to China many years ago), and also the only Paw Paw Pirate that spoke any Chinese, became deathly afraid and alarmed at what he was reading and seeing from the graffiti spray painted on the street. No, no, no, it wasn't your average run of the mill "class of 2015" stuff that alarmed him but rather the graffiti that had been written in Chinese. What David Dong Delawder was witnessing in the graffiti was the entire Paw Paw playbook and game plan for the day, complete with any and all trick plays the Pirates had up their sleeve for the kindergartners, there were even complex diagrams and drawings laid onto the street for the world to see. They had done it, the Gilmore's had relied upon not only their vast football knowledge but also everything the Chinese and American governments could offer in the way of data from spy satellites. Gilmore and his merry band of muli-lingual kindergartners had cracked the code, Paw Paw was in trouble.
As the game started it was quite a battle back and forth. While Paw Paw was loaded with talent from top to bottom and playing a bunch of 5 year olds, the fact that the super intelligent Chinese Immersion students had every single piece of intelligence and scouting information a team would need thwarted Paw Paw's attack at every turn. If Josh Deladwer ran right, he was swarmed by all 11 kindergartners as they knew where the play was going. If Josh Delawder attempted to throw an out pattern to his cousin Darrell Delawder, all 11 Immersion students flew to the ball because they knew where it was going. The elder and younger Gilmore had done their jobs, their defense had shut Josh Delawder down. On offense, it was more of the same, because Paw Paw's "Vaunted Tunnel Defense" had been dissected by the Gilmore's they knew just what calls to make. At the conclusion of the 2nd quarter West Side Elementary School's Chinese Immersion Program was up on Paw Paw 28-0.
As the second half started, however, the tide began to turn. The young kindergartners seemed lethargic, disoriented, and physically incapable of carrying out their offensive and defensive assignments. Gilmore called a time out and gathered the team, he was dismayed to find them all almost completely out of it, he was worried and immediately phoned the Children's Medical Group on Greene Street to have them rush a doctor to the scene. Play resumed until the doctor could arrive and Paw Paw really began to take advantage of the situation, before anyone could spell out "A-V-A-L-O-N N-U-D-I-S-T-R-E-S-O-R-T," Paw Paw was within striking distance.
Finally the doctor from Children's Medical Group arrived and after taking a few medical histories and asking the kindergartners what they had eaten earlier in the day, the problem was diagnosed, the entire West Side Team to include the Gilmore's were suffering from MSG (monosodium glutamate) poisoning ..way too many egg rolls, general tso's chicken, and moo goo gai pan had been consumed, all of it laced with MSG. It seems that while the Chinese students had been here practicing for weeks they had been consuming healthy Chinese food of the type they're accustomed to eating while in China, and not this fried/nasty stuff we American's call Chinese Food. Prior to the 1:00 kickoff, it was realized that they had forgotten to feed the kids breakfast and lunch in all their haste to plan for the game, so they ordered up a humongous amount of Chinese Delivery Food from a local Chinese Restaurant, one that uses MSG in everything. Between the MSG and all the cans of Pepsi they had washed the food down with, the team was suffering from headaches, nausea, heart palpitations, extreme sweating and intestinal disorders, they were really in bad shape. The Doctor proclaimed that the kids would be fine by supperertime but that they would feel pretty rough until then.
The game was played to its proper conclusion and Paw Paw ultimately defeated the West Side Elementary School's Chinese Immersion Progam by a score of 56-28 to stay unbeaten for the year. The kids recovered, and Gilmore decided to stay fully retired from coaching, despite his valiant effort to defeat Paw Paw.
This post was edited on 11/5 4:09 PM by PolkHighPride
